Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize