at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
