1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
did you just send me my own nude
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
