Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
