i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
