I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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