she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
