I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
