there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
