There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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