Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
