Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
