I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i've created a new STD.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
