i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize