i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize