he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
