Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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