what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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