Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
one might say we're banned from that church
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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