yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Boobs are out for the taking
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
