I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
