Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize