I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize