So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
