Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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