No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
