I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm passing your future prison.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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