I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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