They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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