Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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