One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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