so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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