tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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