so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
