Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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(703): View more from Virginia

Quoting wale wont save you from herpes

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

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(914): View more from New York

I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!

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(954): View more from Florida

woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

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(209): View more from California

His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.

(330): View more from Ohio

Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.

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