I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
