people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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