It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
