just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my shit smells like andre
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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