It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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