i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
