Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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