the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
