I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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