Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My life is pants optional.
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