please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
