I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
