I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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