Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
