Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
