I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
