I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
