Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want to have your abortion
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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