dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
