I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
