Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
