i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
