You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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