TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
