party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
