I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
