I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
