I love black thongs
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
