There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
