You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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