That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
