I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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