i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did I show you my penis last night?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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