I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
