becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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