I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize