Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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