I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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