she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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