i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
