Jerry, you need to find god
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize