sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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