we made out on top of his cat.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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